Men and women "jobs" in the home?

My man and I are currently having a "debate" in which he says it is a woman's "job" to do the food shopping. I gave the scenario that if I'm working late, and there's no food in the house and I don't get home from work until 7 and he's been home since 4, he should do the shopping. He says I should go the next day for shopping. It's also "my job" to do most of the cleaning and cooking (though he dare not say I'm supposed to do all of it). I say its the job of who ever has the time and opportunity to do it.





In return, though, he says its the man's "job" to do the gutters and the lawn mowing (and other outside work).





Does this seem like a fair trade off? Or should we not have "men's" jobs and "women's" jobs.

Men and women "jobs" in the home?
So let me get this straight, you both work, yet you do all the cleaning, cooking and shopping and all he has to do is clear out the gutters and mow the lawn (like what, once a week?)





Jeez that's a cush deal he's got, hope he knows it. Doesn't seem like he does, y'know since its your "job" and all. Pfft.





btw the idea that a man is more physically suited to gutter cleaning is ridiculous. I guess i see the point though, y'know our weak skin could burn in the sun and our poor legs might buckle trying to climb a ladder. Hell, in fact, I'm not sure we are physically capable of pushing those heavy shopping carts around the grocery store. And washing dishes?! hah! what if we dropped a plate due to our weak physique and cut ourselves, we might DIE!
Reply:He may be right. Men can't shop. I sent my husband shopping one day when I was sick, and it took him about 3 hours to come home.Although my husband is a wiz at washing clothes, ironing, washing the floor, and cooking. So I prefer to go food shopping myself.
Reply:I believe in equality. And so does my man.


If I go grocery shopping, you best be sure he'll vacuum the apartment.


If I cook, he will take care of the dishes.


If he cleans the bathroom, I'll do the laundry.





It's only fair. I don't believe he's less capable of cleaning the bathroom than I am. It's pretty simple, isn't it?


I also don't believe I'm less capable to mow the lawn. It's pretty easy too! :-)





I think classifying household tasks into women's and men's categories is extremely backwards and sexist.
Reply:I say the person that gets the hungriest should do the grocery shopping. :)
Reply:Back in later times, when it was odd for women to work, things around the house became "a woman's job" mainly because the man was not home to help.


After women started to get jobs, a lot of men still believe that certain things such as cooking and cleaning is a female job because of tradition.


The right thing to do is to split the chores up equilly because the 70's are long gone.


If you do the grocery shopping one week, he should do it the next.


If you wash the dishes then he should dry.
Reply:My house is seriously into gender jobs and most of this is down to my mom. She spoils my dad and my younger brother big time and just mothers them both, and worst of all she then gets me to help her do this.





Seriously once some friends had asked me to go to the mall with them and I said yes and then she told me I'd have to cancel so we could clean my brothers, YES MY BROTHERS, room together because he and dad had gone fishing and so it would be a good time to do it. If I argue she tells me that I am just not helping out.





What chores does my dad/brother do. My brother not much, a bit of yard work maybe. My dad is meant to do maintenance but they usually get someone in to do a lot of repairs anyway. Even our windows are cleaned by someone else lol. So I am not sure, my mom says he is the bread winner and thats enough and we should be thankful for him for that!





Jess
Reply:I would do anything as long as I don't have to clean the toilet, that is gross.
Reply:Do you really want to do gutters? You sound as if you have little experience of gutters.





" men's jobs " are those that women can not do as well physically. ( Oh, that's right, you are an Amazon!! )
Reply:i agree the shopping should be done by the person that is at home and not wait me and wife share jobs
Reply:Personally, I'd rather mow the lawn than do the shopping (cringes- I hate shopping!)





I think you guys should do whatever you want to do. If he has the time to go food shopping, then he needs to do it not because it's "his" job...it's a job and it needs to be done.





If the gutters need to be repaired and he's at work, get your butt on a ladder and fix 'em. Not because it's a "women's" job...it's a job and needs to be done.





That would be the *ideal* situation. In real life, however, I doubt my man would want to go to Safeway after work, and I really prefer for him to wax the cars lol.
Reply:Cooking needs to be done every day. It is a daily activity, like EATING. There are pots and pans and cutlery that need to be cleaned every day in preparation for the following day. Season is irrelevant because EATING is a daily activity. Groceries (food) must also be procured often because EATING is a daily activity.





By contrast, gutters, lawns, and other outside work is not done every day. In fact people only their laws every two weeks in the summer. This kind of work is both infrequent and seasonal!





You are getting the shytty end of the stick here.





edit:


If he gets off work so much earlier than you and expects you to do the grocery shopping and cooking then I would oblige him. Go shopping and stock up on Swanson's microwavable dinners. When you get home nuke a couple and sit back, in full relaxation mode. He will be climbing the walls within a week looking for real food, and he will go grocery shopping and help with cooking and cleaning up afterwards. Otherwise, just continue the strike until he caves in. Its just a matter of time; don't forget you hold ALL the cards because he wants something from you. Without your cooperation that 'something' he wants (a home-cooked dinner) won't materialize.
Reply:if you are both working then you should both be doing things in the house as well. ask your man if he would prefer it if you give up your job and stay at home, since he has such a 'traditonal' view of relations between the sexes. if the answer is 'no', then suggest to him that he pull his finger out and start doing more around the house.





And no, it is not a fair trade-off that he does the outside work, since things like mowing lawns etc need to be done infrequently, whereas cooking, cleaning, laundry etc are ongoing jobs that need doing every day, more than once.





you really need to stand up to this man, he is treating you like a slave, which he has no right to do. he has obviously been very badly brought up. i would be absolutely horrified if any of my sons had this attitude towards women, I can't imagine what his mother was thinking of to raise him like this.
Reply:It is logical if the person who cook for the family do the shopping, because that person knows what are the things that should buy. But when it comes to cleaning I think anyone who has enough time, should do the work.
Reply:Well I don't think gender has a place in the household chores. Splitting them up is fine, but I would be weary of a man who has 'women's work' and 'man's work'. What else does he apply to his thoughts on 'gender roles'?





My fiance and I do chores as they come up. Sometimes I take out the trash and sometimes he does dishes. But I'd have a hard time loving him if he thought that dishes was my job as a woman. *shudder* :)
Reply:Do whatever is necessary when it needs to be done. Your bf should do at least some shopping for that night if you two have nothing to eat. Try to let the gender roles out of this and use common sense and courtesy.





Also, do you have gutters and lawn at this time or are you living in a condo?





***


Yes, I know where you live because you told me... that's why I said... at this time. ;-)





And I mow my lawn and clean my gutters... but there's always stuff to be done around a house, plenty for the both of us.
Reply:I don't think there is a man and woman's job. Personally I like to be in control of everything so I usually do all the shopping and cooking. I was just raised to be self sufficient so I am just more comfortable with it. It may sound crazy, but I feel uncomfortale being waited on, plus if you do it yourself it will be done right. My women have it easy.
Reply:It depends upon who is better at what. My husband is a neat freak while I'm a slob, therefore he does most of the cleaning. I enjoy cooking so I handle dinner most days. He hates outdoor work while I enjoy it, so I mow the lawn, shovel the snow and rake the leaves. We both hate grocery shopping, but he doesn't drive so I just hit the grocery when I'm out running errands and grit my teeth and bear it. But he doesn't get to complain when I bring back food he doesn't like. I handle plumbing problems because plumbing grosses him out, and he handles the electrical work because he likes playing with electricity and I think he's crazy. He does most of the wiring for electronics because he's neater at it than I am, plus I have to do it at work all day and prefer not to have to deal with it at home.





We work it out so each of us does what we like, and the stuff that's leftover that we both dislike, well, we either take turns, negotiate, or try to wiggle out of doing it somehow.
Reply:I would much rather go shopping than clean out the gutters or mow the lawn. Still, if he has time to go shopping, he should at least pick up what's needed for a day or two until you can go.
Reply:I bet if you stop going to the grocery store entirely (stop and eat dinner yourself on the way home), he'll change his tune pretty quick when he gets hungry. There's no excuse for that.
Reply:It would seem a good idea to have a discussion before a serious relationship about which partner does which job.





I just informed mine that I would never argue about gender based jobs around the house.





If it needs to be done then do it. Don't complain to me!!!


I will do what I see needs to be done as well.





Such a waste of time to argue about the mundane.
Reply:It's good to divide the chores equally, but why must he bother assigning genders to them? You might be just as good as mowing the lawn as he is, after all.
Reply:I don't have this problem in my household. My husband often picks up groceries on his way home from work and he never complains nor does he somehow think that is an insult to his masculinity. That's because he likes cooking and shopping a lot more than I do. In return, I'm the one who mows the lawn and does the yardwork. We don't divide up the chores based on our gender but who likes doing it more and who is better at it. He's much better at cooking so he does it and I am better at doing yardwork. In fact, I do the majority of outside work and I like doing it. I would be absolutely miserable if I were married to someone who believed I should be inside cooking and cleaning because I really hate doing those jobs.





Edit: Guess who goes up on the roof to put up Christmas lights? That's right, it's me. My husband is terrified of heights and I'm not so I'm the one who goes up there every year to put up the lights and then a few weeks later, take them down.
Reply:Anything that works for the couple. It's foolish to narrow it down to a "woman's job" and a "man's job", because that just puts restrictions on the couple. The couple should do what is convenient, what they agree on, and what they are good at doing.





I'm so glad I stopped bothering with the dating world!
Reply:He knows it's not a woman's job, he just wishes it wasn't his job, so he's trying to put one over on you by picking the cool, seasonal work rather the daily drudgery. There are many ways you could play out this argument, including going on strike, only buying the foodstuffs you like at the store, offering him household services in return for financial recompense at the rate you would be paid at work, etc, etc... My own experience is that very little works in the household coercion stakes - you can try ultimata and then leaving him if he simply refuses, but it may be that if you want to stay with him, you are always going to have to pick up more than him - it's not fair, but that's my honest experience of 'housework refusers'!
Reply:I'm really interested in this question because to me it seems natural that some jobs would be done by the woman and some by the guy, because of our inclinations to do different things. But my mom is a total equalist on this. Being a bit older than my sister I got more chores put on to me first, but as she has got old enough too, they've equaled out more but it's all rotated so no one does the same job all the time. I have to help my mom shop sometimes and so does my sister. Sometimes I have to help with laundry or even iron clothes, and other times I do the yard work. I don't mind most of it, but ironing I seriously don't think is guy work. I don't know any other guys that have to iron stuff and I'd be really embarassed if anyone found out.